I'm looking for advice regarding a 3 1/2yo with persistent wee issues. She has been toilet trained for a year now, meaning she uses the toilet and wears undies. Going into undies was her instigation, not ours, though we had done prep work leading up to that point. She seemed to be okay with sensing when to go at first but has progressively got worse. The issue seems to be a combination of defiance and literally not being able to sense the need. She will flat out refuse to go claiming she doesn't need to, then an hour later has had an accident.
We have tried what feels like everything. Positive reinforcement (wee chart - this was successful until we allowed her to graduate' from it then she went back to her old ways), alarms at 2-3 hours apart (this also worked but the fighting to get her to the toilet every two hours was exhausting), removing privileges like screen time, etc. Absolutely nothing sticks. She will have a couple of good days and then a couple of days with at least one accident. She's at kindy next year and the only thing stressing me is how she is clearly not independent with her toileting. Poos were an issue in the early days but now she's a pro at that, so it's not a fear of the toilet.
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We have been to our GP who tested for and ruled out a UTI, and he suspected a stretched bladder resulting in leakage issues. He was the one who suggested the alarm, which he said could take 6 weeks to retrain. After 6 weeks we still had to tell her when to go, and has now gone back pretty much where she was. I am at my wit's end and I'm exhausted after a year of fighting her to get on the toilet all day and having to remember to tell her to go constantly. I am very close to putting her back in pull ups and starting again.