I'm tired. Tired of being put second. He's quick to leave early if the footy is on, or there's after work drinks, but it's all to hard or he needs to ]network' when I ask if he is able to leave early for our children.
And when will leaving work at 4 to go to your son's basketball game, or your daughter's swim lessons, be more accepted, celebrated, and encouraged, than having after work drinks? In the disguise of networking'.
I'm tired of doing all the mornings and all the nights. Tired of him laying in bed while I do breakfasts and lunches, get the kids ready, deal with before school meltdowns, and still managing to get myself ready - and some days that involves getting ready for a full day of work. I'm tired of him rolling out of bed, going straight to the shower, asking if I made him a lunch, and strolling out the door. Tired of him walking in at 6:45/7pm, when all of the hard stuff has been done.
Tired of working three days a week, and still doing all of the jobs before and after, including sorting out daycare and arranging babysitting with his own parents. I'm tired of being made to feel like I don't contribute enough financially, even though I'm working just over part-time - including the weekends (so that we can save on daycare). I'm tired of him saying it's too hard with the kids when I work weekends - and then he doesn't get a break. And when am I going to work more during the week, because working the weekends give him the shits'.
I did appreciate him once. Until there is a blatant disregard of me and what I do. Of course I can't work full time. I would be run to the ground, physically and mentally. Our kids would have two parents absent, then. I work part-time so that I can stand up - to some degree - when asks what I contribute to the budget, or why I bought a cup of coffee. I also work part time so I can feel acknowledged and appreciated somewhere. It's just sad it has to be outside of my home. And that it makes me even more tired because it's on top of everything else I do.
I am appreciative of all that he brings and does. He is a good dad - when he's present. But we are starting to feel the absence more. His son is asking why I do everything. And ask where his dad is, and what time he will be home. A lot.
Sure, men need to be heard, supported, appreciated, and they need to be told more. So do we. We are the ones making them going to work so easy. And allows them to work long hours without worrying about the kids - so that they can support the family. So man up and grow up. Be present. Put us first when your day is done. Make me a meal. Clean our toilets. Take the kids to swimming sometimes. All I'm asking for is once a month... or surprise me. I need a rest, too.